I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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