On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
