That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
