Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
