you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
