I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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