he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
