how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
