He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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