Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
