yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
