Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
