When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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