my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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