I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
