Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
