ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
