My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
