At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
