I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
