my soul wont recognize me after tonight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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