im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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