I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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