It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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