i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
