his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
