yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
