we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
