I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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