You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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