drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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