I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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