My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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