Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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