idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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