Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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