You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize