My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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