I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
