It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
