Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
