i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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