I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
