The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Drunk is not a location!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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