he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
