I could make wine with my vomit
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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