idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
