The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
