They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize