Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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