Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
