woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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