so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
