that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
