Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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