I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
