The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
